Today is a special day for me. My little sister is turning 19, and I only realised it was 19 this year after seeing the “happy birthday” stories on Instagram.

When she turned 18 I had realised her growth but now that she is 19 she is no longer in the limbo between teenage and adult life, she is a big girl now, we are basically the same age.

I am stunned, in a state of shock.

We are 7 cousins in my family and we were all born in about the same years, she was the littlest one in the house, the one who was always excluded and the one who, if we played at being teachers, was the caretaker (we were mean I know). Lavinia was that 4-year-old girl with the lisp who needed her mother’s permission to get up from the table and join her older cousins to play. But Lavinia is also that little girl who, when we were at the beach, would disappear from the beach and lock herself in the cabin to sprinkle sunscreen on her little friend and make everyone burst an endless laugh.

Now, if I had to represent my little girl, I would choose a hot loaf of bread. It is such a simple food, without any pretensions, suitable as an accompaniment but also perfect as a main dish, versatile, crispy on the outside, soft and cosy on the inside. Have you ever tasted freshly baked bread? Lavinia is exactly like fresh bread, not always available but when you are lucky enough to find it it is cosy, it makes you feel at home and locks you in an embrace you would never want to be free of.

Lavinia has grown up with me, or rather, she has become big without me realizing it, and only a few years ago I had confirmation of this.

She taught me how easy it is to fall and how fundamental it is to have a shoulder to count on to stand up again.

We have been physically distant for a long time, but never have I been more sure that I am always the shoulder to lean on and never have I been more sure that I always have her by my side. 

Of course our relationship has not always been like this, we have been cat and dog for many years: I am pretty condescending, too often disconsolate and definitely emotional, Lavinia is badass, she knows how to push her ideas, she seems almost always annoyed but she feels an infinity of emotions without externalizing them.

We are like that, yin and yang, black and white, hot and cold. I will never stop thanking our parents for teaching us to love, support and make us proud of each other.

Happy birthday stellina, wherever I am, wherever you are.